I was just evaluating why I'm experiencing the "blues" today. It started with 2 1/2 hours at Firestone waiting for my car - about $700 worth of stuff had to be done. The van is also in need of repairs so that got me going I think. I was sitting there at one point and thought it felt like Colorado. Now you need to understand that whenever I think of Colorado there is good and tough stuff there. Colorado was the loneliness time of my life. I felt shelved by the Lord and didn't have any "running around" friends. I had a wonderful job and some wonderful people in my life but I was very 'alone' on weekends and evenings. That is what it felt like today at Firestone. Now truth is that in Colorado and here, there are people in my life and I am loved...that doesn't change how I was feeling at the moment.
So, tonight I was thinking about how I'm about to turn 50 and wondering about life choices I've made and things that might be different. Then it hit me, I needed to get up and get the lights on in the house, turn on some praise music and count my blessings. Mind you, that doesn't change some things in my life but it does help me to see things more clearly. I'm facing a new job and while I'm excited about it, I still have the same feelings I did when I was in my 20's starting something new, 'will I be good at this job?', 'will the people like me?', 'will I like the people?'
Somethings never change and others get better with time or at least become more in focused. This one thing I know, that Jesus has taken good care of me! He didn't die on the cross so that I would walk in failure, sadness, or defeat. No, whatever comes my way, Jesus is for me. Victory may not look like the world's idea of success but victory in my heart and life will look like the Kingdom of God. So while I'm battling the blues I choose now to praise God for all He has done in my life. If that doesn't chase the blues away, nothing will!
See, God has given me a house of my own. He's given me 2 cars, my family close by, a loving church family, friends I love and enjoy, and now a job! But those things aren't the best of what He's given me. He's teaching me patience in circumstances and with people. He's given me peace that makes no earthly sense. He loves me with an amazing eternal love I can't begin to comprehend and He's so merciful that when I sin, He's there to teach me from it and forgive me of it. Yeah, I think reflecting on these things can chase away the blues. I'm feeling better already. Off now to get somethings done around this lovely earthly home He's given me.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
God's Presence
"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." Isaiah 64:4
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:4
These two verses were in my Bible study today and touched me deep down in the depth of my heart and my mind. God's Peace was the subject of today's study and I'm overwhelmed at how Jesus said "my peace I leave with you." It makes no sense to be unemployed for 6 months and be at TOTAL peace. It makes no sense that when my checking account AND savings account reached about $100 together, that I was FINE. Did I let people know, yes, but I trusted that GOD would be the provider because no one I'm close to has any money! And the one source I would have never expected to provide ~ did. That was God's provision! Only He can move the hearts of men!!!!
But the peace I know is so much deeper and more expansive than just financial. I'm actually enjoying the work God has me doing while I wait for the job He wants me to do. I'm enjoying my days even though they are FULL!!! I had no idea how I would fill a day if I didn't work and these last few months, God has shown me how quickly HE can fill a day! I'm loving it and while I'm ready to go to a job, I will SO MISS THIS TIME!!!! I wish I could have enjoyed it more and longer but alas, there was a period of physical, emotional, and spiritual rest that had to take place. Now that I'm at a place of enjoying this time, a job may be coming soon! But it's a job I think I would enjoy, at a place I think I would enjoy. SO, I wait.
But in the wait, what peace and joy exist right now. What fun to spend an hour in the morning with the Lord and then have time to write e-mails, clean up some, talk with a friend or 2, make a list of things to do, then check off from the bigger to do list for the week what will be done today. what a joyful time this is to work at things that I love and with or for people I love with control of my time belonging only to God. I'll miss this time! It reminds me of my life in Colorado.
For those first few years in Colorado, there was a great deal of struggle. So many things were distractions and my own understanding of who God created me to be was at a place of confussion. Then, God changed me. It was slow but it was good! As my value no longer was tied to my work or how others viewed me. My peace came from doing the job God gave me and doing it well. My joy came from being alone - because I was never completely alone, I always had Jesus there. How sweet the times at Praise Mountain were as I met alone with my God and He loved on me. I remember telling the Lord as my time in Colorado came to a close, I will miss these times even though they have been hard. I say the same of this struggle.
Bless the Lord oh my soul, for He is good to me when I do not deserve it! He is faithful to me when I can not see it. He is kind to me, when kindness is what I need and yet may not deserve. He is always at work in me, through me and around me - Open the eyes of my heart Lord that I may see You and all the work You are doing. Change my heart Lord that it will NEVER again be satisfied with anything this world has to offer and it will not seek anything in this world but will long more for You. Keep me in Your presence, even if it means keeping me in hard situations. Give me physical and emotional strength through Your Peace, Your Joy and Your Presence. Keep before me the sweetness of Your Presence and make me super sensitive to when I grieve You through sin of my thoughts, word or deed.
May the God of all REAL Peace bless any who read this blog with HIMSELF today.
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:4
These two verses were in my Bible study today and touched me deep down in the depth of my heart and my mind. God's Peace was the subject of today's study and I'm overwhelmed at how Jesus said "my peace I leave with you." It makes no sense to be unemployed for 6 months and be at TOTAL peace. It makes no sense that when my checking account AND savings account reached about $100 together, that I was FINE. Did I let people know, yes, but I trusted that GOD would be the provider because no one I'm close to has any money! And the one source I would have never expected to provide ~ did. That was God's provision! Only He can move the hearts of men!!!!
But the peace I know is so much deeper and more expansive than just financial. I'm actually enjoying the work God has me doing while I wait for the job He wants me to do. I'm enjoying my days even though they are FULL!!! I had no idea how I would fill a day if I didn't work and these last few months, God has shown me how quickly HE can fill a day! I'm loving it and while I'm ready to go to a job, I will SO MISS THIS TIME!!!! I wish I could have enjoyed it more and longer but alas, there was a period of physical, emotional, and spiritual rest that had to take place. Now that I'm at a place of enjoying this time, a job may be coming soon! But it's a job I think I would enjoy, at a place I think I would enjoy. SO, I wait.
But in the wait, what peace and joy exist right now. What fun to spend an hour in the morning with the Lord and then have time to write e-mails, clean up some, talk with a friend or 2, make a list of things to do, then check off from the bigger to do list for the week what will be done today. what a joyful time this is to work at things that I love and with or for people I love with control of my time belonging only to God. I'll miss this time! It reminds me of my life in Colorado.
For those first few years in Colorado, there was a great deal of struggle. So many things were distractions and my own understanding of who God created me to be was at a place of confussion. Then, God changed me. It was slow but it was good! As my value no longer was tied to my work or how others viewed me. My peace came from doing the job God gave me and doing it well. My joy came from being alone - because I was never completely alone, I always had Jesus there. How sweet the times at Praise Mountain were as I met alone with my God and He loved on me. I remember telling the Lord as my time in Colorado came to a close, I will miss these times even though they have been hard. I say the same of this struggle.
Bless the Lord oh my soul, for He is good to me when I do not deserve it! He is faithful to me when I can not see it. He is kind to me, when kindness is what I need and yet may not deserve. He is always at work in me, through me and around me - Open the eyes of my heart Lord that I may see You and all the work You are doing. Change my heart Lord that it will NEVER again be satisfied with anything this world has to offer and it will not seek anything in this world but will long more for You. Keep me in Your presence, even if it means keeping me in hard situations. Give me physical and emotional strength through Your Peace, Your Joy and Your Presence. Keep before me the sweetness of Your Presence and make me super sensitive to when I grieve You through sin of my thoughts, word or deed.
May the God of all REAL Peace bless any who read this blog with HIMSELF today.
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